Dating: The Older Man

Moms Talk is a new feature on Holly Springs-Hickory Flat Patch that is part of an effort to reach out to moms and families.

We invite you and your circle of friends to help build a community of support for mothers and their families right here in Holly Springs and Hickory Flat.

Each week in Moms Talk, our Moms Council of experts and smart moms will take your questions, give advice and share solutions.

Moms, dads, grandparents and the diverse families who make up our community have a new resource for questions about neighborhood schools, the best pediatricians, 24-hour pharmacies and the thousands of other issues that arise while raising children.

Moms Talk also is the place to drop in for a talk about the latest parenting hot topic. Do you know of local moms raising their children in the Tiger Mother's way, and is it the best way? Where can we get information on flu shots for children? How can we help our children's schools weather budget cuts?

So grab a cup of coffee and settle in as we start the conversation today with a question from our Moms Council.

Q: While reading AOL's Parent Dish, I came across this question and just had to use it to spark a discussion in our local community. What do
you think?

"New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez may have had a romantic relationship with a 17-year-old high school student, which would be legal in New York state. Still, age matters. As parents, would you let your teenage daughter date an older man?"

A: Whether it is legal or not would not matter to me. I would not permit my teenage daughter to date an older man. There are too many differences in maturity and development from the late teen years through ones in their 20s. I would have to say that as long as she lived under my roof, she would abide by my rules. I would also have to hope that I would have a good enough relationship with my daughter that we would be able to openly discuss this so it did not become an issue or cause her to rebel. I have one daughter, and she is 8, so this is a tough one for me to answer as a parent. I am looking forward to hearing from parents of teens.

—Tammy Bester, mom of three

A: As a parent, one of our major responsibilities is to protect our children. With that in mind, I would have to answer no. I wish I could say it depended on each individual child, considering some are more responsible than others. However, the responsibility and/or personality of your own child does not determine the worthiness of the older man. Whether they have strong or mild attitudes, teenage girls can be vulnerable in any relationship. I believe the vulnerability is even worse in a relationship with an older man. The age difference alone accounts for a vast difference in life experiences for them. I would have to question the intentions of
the older man pursuing a relationship with a teenage girl. My daughters' ages are only 9 and 3. It still seems so far off that we will have to worry about this, but it is never too soon to start praying that we can handle the situation wisely should it ever arise.

—Jenny Howard, mom of three

A: Although I have know plenty of people who have successful marriages with significant age differences, my answer is no. 

The pressure of being a 17-year-old high school student is hard enough; coupling that with dating a high-profile athlete is too much. The media would be overwhelming and would put an overwhelming amount of pressure on her, her friends and family—too much for a 17-year-old to handle, especially if she is applying to colleges.

I believe in education. I would also especially dislike this situation if this diminished her desire to go to college. Getting caught up in the celebrity world and the attention you get could deter you to go after your dreams. 

—Karen Lang Doyle